Posts Tagged ‘satisfries’

A Write Good!: The News report — “All the story, plus lies!”

(WriteGoodwire) While consumer acceptance of Burger King’s recently introduced “Satisfries” remains tepid, the chain’s new healthy option to conventional french fries is proving to be an excellent building material, especially in the roofing trade.

“These things are nearly indestructible,” said general contractor Jerry “Buck” Yablonski. “They appear to be waterproof, can be heat-welded, and are ideal for creating a mechanically-fastened thermoplastic roof.

“Taste? I don’t know. I mean, I haven’t eaten one or anything.”

Burger King’s new ‘Satisfries’ – the ideal lower-calories, weather-resistant, food-like construction material.

Burger King’s new ‘Satisfries’ – the ideal lower-calories, weather-resistant, food-like construction material.

This innovative use of Satisfries comes as welcome news to Burger King, locked in battle with McDonald’s, Wendy’s and other restaurant chains for fast-food supremacy.

“Satisfries represent an astonishing breakthrough in boiling-oil-related technologies, much like fusion,” explained BK Industries spokesman Devon Frier during a news conference. “They address our customers’ demand for a french fry that is both a health-conscious alternative and a crappy junk food.”

Asked what he meant by ‘crappy junk food,’ Frier covered the microphone, spoke urgently with an assistant, then added, “No more questions. The bar’s open!”

While secretive about the production process, Burger King administrators boast that Satisfries have 20 percent less fat than traditional fries and 30 percent less fat than a block of fat. The crinkle-cut pattern ensures less oil absorption, promotes better rain runoff, and keeps roof gutters free of leaves and debris.

“Ewwww!” explained 15-year-old fast food enthusiast Tracy Mander.

The low-calorie, low-fat Satisfries cost 20- to 30-cents more per serving than conventional french fries due to the strict tariffs imposed by France, the sole supplier of America’s potatoes, salt and oil.

Permission to re-use this material for non-commercial purposes is granted provided that Dave Jaffe, www.davejaffecomm.com is appropriately credited as the author and source. Please feel free to link to this page.

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