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A Write Good!: The News report — “All the story, plus lies!”

(WriteGood!WireServices) Hours after the resignation of Volkswagen chief executive Martin Winterkorn over an emissions cheating scandal, the thickness of the Arctic permafrost increased by nearly 11 percent.

Leaders in the scientific community were clearly relieved that global warming has been reversed by the resignation of the leading carmaker’s 68-year-old chief executive.

“Well, that’s that!” said United Nations Chief Climatologist Rocky “Monsoon” Butane, dramatically crossing off an item on his clipboard during a morning news conference.

Volkswagen CEO admits affecting climate as angry protestors mill about warming their eggs between their feet.

Volkswagen CEO admits affecting climate as angry protestors mill about warming their eggs between their feet.

Volkswagen has admitted the emissions tests deception that led to the downfall of Winterkorn and the return of the Earth’s atmosphere to a pristine, Eden-like state.

According to the Environmental Protection Agency, some diesel engine cars sold in the US had devices that could detect when they were being tested, then slam down the accelerator and floor it the Hell outta there before the results could be checked.

“As CEO, I accept responsibility for the irregularities that have been found in diesel engines,” Winterkorn said in a statement. But he insisted that he personally had committed no misconduct, in the sense that he was nowhere near the polar ice caps when they melted.

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