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A Write Good!: The News report
Write Good!: The News — “All the story, plus lies!

A historic Supreme Court session that saw major rulings affecting the Voting Rights Act and the Defense of Marriage Act ended with the justices sprinting for the parking lot to split for summer break.

“I am SO out of here!” yelled a jubilant Chief Justice John Roberts as he balled up his judicial robes and tossed them in the back seat of his Ford Fiesta. “LAUDERDALE! WooooEEEE!,” he added.

“Shotgun!” shouted Justice Antonin Scalia, piling into the passenger side.

Justices of the Roberts Court loosen up and “get down” with their peers during summer break in Fort Lauderdale.

Justices of the Roberts Court loosen up and “get down” with their peers during summer break in Fort Lauderdale.


Standing in the lobby of the Supreme Court Building, Justice Anthony Kennedy declined to comment on the dramatic rulings by the conservative-leaning high court that marked a dramatic defeat for racial minorities and a powerful victory for gay rights.

However, Kennedy, jingling his car keys and repeatedly checking his watch, was overheard to remark “̒Zat it? We done?” to nearby Justices Ruth Bader Ginsburg and Elena Kagan. Ginsburg, busily texting, did not respond. However, a laughing Kagan, making air quotes, replied, “What evs!”

“The conclusion of the Court’s term each summer presents a unique study of contradictions,” explained Court historian Manuel Procedendo of the Constitutional Accountability Center. “It’s a time for the justices to analyze new petitions, consider applications and motions, and prepare for upcoming cases. But usually they just get shit-face wasted.

“Man, are they gonna raise Hell,” Procedendo added thoughtfully as the remaining justices waved wildly from the windows of High Court One, the Supreme Court’s constitutionally mandated recreational vehicle festooned with a banner reading “U.S. vs Team Bacardi! Drink Responsibly.”

“This could be the Rehnquist Court all over again!”

Permission to re-use this material for non-commercial purposes is granted provided that Dave Jaffe, www.davejaffecomm.com is appropriately credited as the author and source. Please feel free to link to this page.

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