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The threat of meteors devastating the Earth is so real that scientists at the recent Planetary Defense Conference in Washington, D.C. didn’t once giggle every time they said “Uranus.”

To punctuate the dangers from space, attendees were presented a realistic exercise of a potential strike to a populated area by an asteroid, which is a meteor with a learner’s permit.

The circle of destruction would be immense. Cities leveled. Communities destroyed. Even those living half a world away would be affected, disturbed by what might sound like raccoons in the trash cans.

In response, Congress hastily convened an investigative subcommittee charged with overseeing science-based defense plans, locating nearby meteors larger than a Ford Fiesta, then issuing them subpoenas.

Recently coming to light are secret transcripts from a closed-door meeting of that committee. An angry White House has denied the authenticity of the recordings, the mission of the subcommittee, the existence of meteors, asteroids, the Earth, electricity, long division, and Washington, D.C.

SENATOR 1: “Good morning. (Tapping microphone) Is this on?”

AIDE: “Yes, sir!”

SENATOR 1: “Why is this on.”

AIDE: “Um…the bylaws—”

SENATOR 1: “Yes, yes, alright! Let’s just move on. Now director, before our break you said it was possible that a meteor could strike a major US city? Do you know which one?”

SCIENCE DIRECTOR: “No, sir. That’s difficult to predict.”

SENATOR 1: “Even using your ‘long division’? I see. But if you did know which city, would there be enough time to redistrict the area?”

DIRECTOR: “I don’t understand, Senator.”

SENATOR 1: “Are meteors gerrymandering?”

DIRECTOR: “That’s not… They don’t—”

SENATOR 1: “Yes or no please, sir!

DIRECTOR: “Senator, a meteor is a chunk of matter that glows from heating as it passes through Earth’s atmosphere.”

SENATOR 1: “I see…I see. And what percentage of meteors – 10? 50? 75? – are space pirates?”

DIRECTOR: “You what, now?”

SENATOR 1: “Could meteors be disguised space pirates? Are pirates perhaps hiding behind asteroids? Could Hoth be their secret base?”

DIRECTOR: “Are we role-playing? I think we’re role-playing?”

SENATOR 1: “I’m deadly serious, director. Now, how effective would a Space Force be in deterring these meteor pirates?”

DIRECTOR: “Could I have some more water, please?”

SENATOR 2: “Senator, if I might amplify. Director, in your professional opinion. Our Space Force: Would their uniforms be…cool?”

DIRECTOR: (Sighs) “Why not?”

SENATOR 2: “Like blue with gold stars. And maybe a lightning bolt?”

DIRECTOR: “You bet!”

SENATOR 2: “Oh, and a unicorn.”

DIRECTOR: “…unicorn?”

SENATOR 1: “Very strategic, Senator. Director, would you see to ordering 250,000 such uniforms?”

SENATOR 2: “And one for my granddaughter!”

DIRECTOR: “Senators, who’s going to pay for all this?”

All Senators: “Mexico!”

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Dave Jaffe also writes the national award-winning humor blog Sleeping between Giants: Life, if you could call it that, with a Terrier

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final-panel-for-writegoodBudleigh and Brisby, protecting our tiniest borders!

Executive ordering dogs around

Read and subscribe to our litter-mate blog, Sleeping between Giants.

Share it with your friends, especially those with thick, lustrous fur!

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final-strip-with-captions-and-title-final

IT’S COMING!

Sleeping between Giants, my blog about life, if you could call it that, with a terrier will go live soon.

Chockablock with my essays, cartoons, Ask a Terrier advice column and more, Sleeping between Giants promises to be the Internet’s most entertaining arrangement of pixels ever!

Check back here for updates!

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By Dave Jaffe

(WriteGood!TheNews wire service) — Highly volatile Donald Trump has been recalled by Samsung at the urging of GOP leaders who fear for the party’s safety.

“Cynics charge that this action is merely to protect Republicans in tight House and Senate races,” said GOP Strategist and Fire Inspector Rocky ‘Ace’ Butane. “But it’s really for the safety of women and children.

“Particularly the women.”

Volatile Donald Trump now poses safety threat to own private jet.

Volatile Donald Trump now poses safety threat to own private jet.

South Korean industrial giant Samsung recently recalled their popular Galaxy 7 Note smartphones due to combusting batteries. But why the GOP would urge that company to recall Trump is unclear, except that South Korea “is really, really far away,” explained Butane.

Republican vice presidential candidate Mike Pence was quick to defend his running mate, charging that Hillary Clinton repeatedly failed to deploy side impact air bags at speeds above 45 miles per hour.

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COMING SOON! Look for the premier of Sleeping between Giants, a blog that explores life – if you could call it that – with a terrier. Great fun for dogs that can read!

Permission to re-use this material for non-commercial purposes is granted provided that Dave Jaffe, www.writegoodtheblog.com, is appropriately credited as the author and source. Please feel free to link to this page.

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By Dave Jaffe

CHARLOTTE, NORTH CAROLINA (WriteGood!TheNews wire service) — Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump’s first classified intelligence briefing has validated nearly every conspiracy theory ever, the candidate said today.

Speaking at a rally in North Carolina, Trump hinted that the briefing, traditionally given to presidential nominees, revealed shocking, long-held secrets, but he refused to discuss details.

“Obama? I thought he was born in another country,” said Trump. “Seems I was off by about 25,000 light years. Unbelievable!

“And crooked Hillary’s missing emails? I got news for you folks. There’s more hidden in Area 51 than alien corpses. Believe me!”

Claims of Area 51 ‘secrets’ were decried by Clinton supporter and Roswell Project director S’Rin “Larry” B’Tll. “Trump should just shut his big, fat primary reticulated ovipositor!”

Claims of Area 51 ‘secrets’ were decried by Clinton supporter and Roswell Project director S’Rin “Larry” B’Tll. “Trump should just shut his big, fat primary reticulated ovipositor!”

Among other top secrets the candidate mentioned:

• Putin from same alternative universe as bearded Spock
• No treasure map on back of U.S. Constitution
• Drones now building us
• The Mole People are benevolent, just worried
• Hydrox are Oreos
• Rosebud was the sled.

Presidential candidate Hillary Clinton will receive a similar briefing, although hers must be conducted at night, Trump learned.

“They know she’s a vampire. Totally undead. Totally!”

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Permission to re-use this material for non-commercial purposes is granted provided that Dave Jaffe, www.writegoodtheblog.com, is appropriately credited as the author and source. Please feel free to link to this page.

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FINAL-FINAL-But-what-can-one-dog-do

This strip is part of “Sleeping Between Giants“, an ongoing series featured on the Write Good!: The Blog blog.

Sleeping Between Giants explores life – if you can call it that – with a terrier.

Your feedback is welcome, probably. dj

Permission to re-use this material for non-commercial purposes is granted provided that Dave Jaffe, www.writegoodtheblog.com, is appropriately credited as the author and source. Please feel free to link to this page.

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By Dave Jaffe

TURNBERRY, SCOTLAND (WriteGood!TheNews wire service)—Crediting himself for leading British voters to cut ties with the European Union, Donald Trump vowed to extend his proposed wall between the United States and Mexico to include the United Kingdom.

As part of Trump’s revised immigration plan, the wall along the US-Mexico border would extend across the Atlantic Ocean, through the North Sea and encircle the UK.

“And Mexico’s going to pay for that, too,” said the presumptive GOP presidential candidate. “Also my trip to Scotland.”

Trump’s latest proposed wall, while a potential hazard to shipping, provides security against immigrants, including migrating sea turtles.

Trump’s latest proposed wall, while a potential hazard to shipping, provides security against immigrants, including migrating sea turtles.

During a tour of his golf courses that coincided with the historic vote, Trump acknowledged British voters for supporting his decision to devastate the EU, throw financial markets into chaos, and herald the resignation of the prime minister.

“I arrived here. You voted. And together we took back my country. My golf course!” said Trump.

Reminded that the UK is not part of the US, Trump fired Scotland.

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Permission to re-use this material for non-commercial purposes is granted provided that Dave Jaffe, www.writegoodtheblog.com, is appropriately credited as the author and source. Please feel free to link to this page.

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