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final-for-writegood-linkThe battle for the hearts, minds, and bacon treats rages on.

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A Write Good!: The News report — “All the story, plus lies!”

(WriteGoodwire) As Wall Street investors decry Apple Inc’s new high-end iPhone 5s and cheap, plastic piece-of-shit iPhone 5c, the next generation iPhone 6 promises to include more features than anyone could possibly want.

“So, it’s not enough that the iPhone can scan your fingerprints? Fine! The iPhone 6 will be able to change your fingerprints,” hinted a clearly vexed Corky Panderman, Apple Senior Vice President of Worldwide Hype. “And the camera can take pictures through six inches of lead.”

“Now get those frickin’ mikes outta my face!” he added to reporters gathered at the company’s Cupertino campus.

Apple poised to unveil the gimmick-laden iPhone 6c Swiss Army Cell and the high-end, provocative Anatomically Correct iPhone 6s.

Apple poised to unveil the gimmick-laden iPhone 6c Swiss Army Cell and the high-end, provocative Anatomically Correct iPhone 6s.

The tepid response to the new iPhone 5 models has revived fears that the company’s innovative days are over. Further fueling concerns are complaints from emerging Asian markets that the phones’ features aren’t despotic enough.

To correct that, the iPhone 6 promises to be both fun and oppressive, said Apple officials.

With the iPhone 5 models to go on sale Friday, Sept. 19, industry experts agree that it’s too early to criticize Apple for a misstep. Nearly 47 percent of early focus groups said the brightly colored 5c phone was “Ooooo, pretty! Shiny!” Another 22 percent giggled and clapped their hands; and 14 percent drew pictures of it that they posted on mom’s ‘fridge.

Mindful of the competitive pressures in the mobile phone marketplace, Apple will add a third model to the iPhone 6 generation. The iPhone 6d-minus will boast the 6c’s laughable overabundance of accessories and the 6s’s sexually gratifying design, but at one-third the cost.

However, it will not make calls.

The iPhone 6 models are scheduled for rollout next month to coincide with the rollout of the iPhone 7. And possibly the iPhone 8.

Permission to re-use this material for non-commercial purposes is granted provided that Dave Jaffe, www.davejaffecomm.com is appropriately credited as the author and source. Please feel free to link to this page.

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