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Posts Tagged ‘smartphone’

By Dave Jaffe

(WriteGood!TheNews wire service) — Highly volatile Donald Trump has been recalled by Samsung at the urging of GOP leaders who fear for the party’s safety.

“Cynics charge that this action is merely to protect Republicans in tight House and Senate races,” said GOP Strategist and Fire Inspector Rocky ‘Ace’ Butane. “But it’s really for the safety of women and children.

“Particularly the women.”

Volatile Donald Trump now poses safety threat to own private jet.

Volatile Donald Trump now poses safety threat to own private jet.

South Korean industrial giant Samsung recently recalled their popular Galaxy 7 Note smartphones due to combusting batteries. But why the GOP would urge that company to recall Trump is unclear, except that South Korea “is really, really far away,” explained Butane.

Republican vice presidential candidate Mike Pence was quick to defend his running mate, charging that Hillary Clinton repeatedly failed to deploy side impact air bags at speeds above 45 miles per hour.

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COMING SOON! Look for the premier of Sleeping between Giants, a blog that explores life – if you could call it that – with a terrier. Great fun for dogs that can read!

Permission to re-use this material for non-commercial purposes is granted provided that Dave Jaffe, www.writegoodtheblog.com, is appropriately credited as the author and source. Please feel free to link to this page.

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By Dave Jaffe

(WriteGood!TheNews wire service) — Stung by safety issues with their exploding washing machines and smartphones, manufacturer Samsung is repurposing those products as alternative rocket propulsion systems.

“Yes, the Galaxy Note 7 batteries erupt in flames,” said company spokesman Rocky ‘Ace’ Butane. “Yes, some washing machines crater the basement. But someday…someday those defective, potentially deadly machines will carry Mankind to the stars.

“Also clean their clothes and send texts.”

Test launch of Maximus Artemis Regulus StarPlus rocket powered by Samsung TurboClear top-loader in Avocado Bisque. Also available in Stainless Fog.

Test launch of Maximus Artemis Regulus StarPlus rocket powered by Samsung TurboClear top-loader in Avocado Bisque. Also available in Stainless Fog.

U.S. regulators, unsure what to do with 1 million recalled smartphones and an as yet unknown number of washers, welcomed the news.

“So long as they’re not in my garage,” said a spokesman for the Consumer Product Safety Commission. “I’ve already got 500 hoverboards crammed in there. I’m terrified to use my gas grill.”

Space vehicle companies like SpaceX and Virgin Galactic welcomed the opportunity to tap the awesome potential of Samsung’s highly volatile defective products line.

“Two washing machines or a dozen smartphones taped together provide the same explosive thrust as a half-million gallons of liquid rocket fuel,” explained a researcher.

“But rocket fuel’s more stable.”

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Permission to re-use this material for non-commercial purposes is granted provided that Dave Jaffe, www.writegoodtheblog.com, is appropriately credited as the author and source. Please feel free to link to this page.

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A Write Good!: The News report — “All the story, plus lies!”

(WriteGoodwire) As Wall Street investors decry Apple Inc’s new high-end iPhone 5s and cheap, plastic piece-of-shit iPhone 5c, the next generation iPhone 6 promises to include more features than anyone could possibly want.

“So, it’s not enough that the iPhone can scan your fingerprints? Fine! The iPhone 6 will be able to change your fingerprints,” hinted a clearly vexed Corky Panderman, Apple Senior Vice President of Worldwide Hype. “And the camera can take pictures through six inches of lead.”

“Now get those frickin’ mikes outta my face!” he added to reporters gathered at the company’s Cupertino campus.

Apple poised to unveil the gimmick-laden iPhone 6c Swiss Army Cell and the high-end, provocative Anatomically Correct iPhone 6s.

Apple poised to unveil the gimmick-laden iPhone 6c Swiss Army Cell and the high-end, provocative Anatomically Correct iPhone 6s.

The tepid response to the new iPhone 5 models has revived fears that the company’s innovative days are over. Further fueling concerns are complaints from emerging Asian markets that the phones’ features aren’t despotic enough.

To correct that, the iPhone 6 promises to be both fun and oppressive, said Apple officials.

With the iPhone 5 models to go on sale Friday, Sept. 19, industry experts agree that it’s too early to criticize Apple for a misstep. Nearly 47 percent of early focus groups said the brightly colored 5c phone was “Ooooo, pretty! Shiny!” Another 22 percent giggled and clapped their hands; and 14 percent drew pictures of it that they posted on mom’s ‘fridge.

Mindful of the competitive pressures in the mobile phone marketplace, Apple will add a third model to the iPhone 6 generation. The iPhone 6d-minus will boast the 6c’s laughable overabundance of accessories and the 6s’s sexually gratifying design, but at one-third the cost.

However, it will not make calls.

The iPhone 6 models are scheduled for rollout next month to coincide with the rollout of the iPhone 7. And possibly the iPhone 8.

Permission to re-use this material for non-commercial purposes is granted provided that Dave Jaffe, www.davejaffecomm.com is appropriately credited as the author and source. Please feel free to link to this page.

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