Posted in Humor, Sleeping Between Giants, tagged anxiety, board, budleigh, cage, car, crate, dog, holiday, sitter, Sleeping Between Giants, trip, vacation on June 25, 2018| Leave a Comment »
In the latest Ask a Terrier advice column from our litter-mate blog, Sleeping between Giants, a confused mixed-breed pooch named Hanover barks, “Hurrah, road trip! Where am I not going?”
Budleigh commiserates.
Listen, you really should be over at Sleeping between Giants. It’s where all the cool dogs hang out!
Posted in Humor, Sleeping Between Giants, tagged anxiety, ASPCA, bark, bones, boredom, chew, dog, dog proof, pet, puppy, shoe, sticks, teeth, toys, training on May 26, 2016| Leave a Comment »
By Dave Jaffe
Any dog serving prison time for chewing shoes will eagerly admit that socks served as a gateway drug. And that he’s a Good Boy!
Budleigh steals socks. That isn’t his fault. We Giants failed him. As did society. And the apparel industry. He no longer chews them as he did during his house-pet-in-training probationary apprenticeship. Just, ya’ know, sort of steals them. For the kicks, man! The thrill! School is for squares, daddio!
Unlike Budleigh, Brisby eschews socks and shoes in favor of his pile of bones. Oddly, we only bought him two of those, but Uncle Max has been missing for weeks. Hmmm…
That Budleigh has moved from indiscriminate vandal to cunning thief is a victory rooted in dedicated training and drastically lowered expectations. No champion sought here. Just a pet that will reliably follow these basic rules:
1. Don’t eat things that make you dead
2. Think before you bite me
3. Get off the everything
4. Rest and drink plenty of fluids
5. Vote
Unless your dog has strong political leanings, Rule 1 is probably the most important. Clearly, it’s the most important to veterinarians whose examination rooms display colorful posters of frolicking puppies and giggling children beneath the headline, “Six Common Household Items That Will Kill Your Dog. Also Everyone Who Knows Your Dog.”
Next to that hang posters featuring different dogs and children – survivors, presumably – that read, “Wait! Did We Mention These Four Other Items?” and “Oops! Just Remembered Two More. Sorry!”
Dire warnings like these worry pets, which leads to intense dog park discussions. Also, anxious chewing.
GERMAN SHEPHERD: “…and the next morning when they checked the car, there was a hook in the door!”
LABRADOR RETRIEVER: (Gently) “Maybe this is too scary for…you know…everyone. (Nods toward wide-eyed Maltese.) Say, how ‘bout that brushing? Isn’t brushing great?”
MALTESE: “Did they chew the hook?”
TERRIER MUTT: “You can’t chew hooks! Well, I can. But it would kill the rest of you.”
PUG: “Wait! You’ve chewed a hook?”
TERRIER MUTT: “Sure! Plenty of ‘em. I chewed one today after I threw up breakfast.”
LABRADOR RETRIEVER: “…’cause I’m really soft, but when she brushes me I get even softer. So then I bring her the brush – I can do that, you know – and she says I’m a Good—ˮ
MALTESE: “What about a brush? You ever chew a brush?”
TERRIER MUTT: “Yeah! Lots of times. And plenty more stuff when I was little.”
PUG: “And nobody stopped you?”
TERRIER MUTT: “Well, I was in a shelter.”
All go quiet for several minutes.
BERNESE MOUNTAIN DOG: “Once I chewed a mountain.”
PUG: “You did? A mountain?”
BERNESE MOUNTAIN DOG: “So I’ve been told.”
BULL DOG: “Anyone ever chew up one of those round things?”
GERMAN SHEPHERD: ‘Which round thing?”
BULL DOG: “Oh, you know. The round things where they yell at you, then get all worried and call that place with the scary posters? And then they rush you there in the car?”
GERMAN SHEPHERD: “The one with a hook in the door?”
Clearly, overcoming a dog’s passion to chew is no easy task. However, both dog and owner can enjoy measurable success through the application of some simple, safe and humane training tactics developed by the United States Navy SEAL Team Interrogation Unit.
Next: Positive reinforcement or “They made me a criminal!”
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This article is part of “Sleeping Between Giants“, an ongoing series featured on the Write Good!: The Blog blog.
Sleeping Between Giants explores life – if you can call it that – with a terrier.
Your feedback is welcome, probably. dj
Permission to re-use this material for non-commercial purposes is granted provided that Dave Jaffe, www.writegoodtheblog.com, is appropriately credited as the author and source. Please feel free to link to this page.
Posted in Humor, Sleeping Between Giants, tagged anxiety, ASPCA, breed, chew, chewing, dog, dog proof, humane, pets, puppy, shoe, teeth, terrier, toys on May 17, 2016| 2 Comments »
By Dave Jaffe
Dogs use their teeth to explore the world much the way we use the Internet. A dog’s mouth and tongue serve as router and modem, while its excretory system works like Comcast.
Whether having teeth leads to chewing or chewing is the outcome of having teeth is a “chicken or the egg” paradox, although dogs will eat both so why are we even debating? Let’s instead focus on the reasons dogs chew my shoes and socks and, to a lesser extent, yours.
Chewing is a perfectly normal canine behavior. In fact, the word canine is Latin for “He ruined what?” Puppies and young dogs might chew to relieve teething pain. Older dogs chew to combat boredom, ease anxiety, or reduce frustration. Some chew simply as a way to prop up the international leather trade. Whatever the cause, to correct an inappropriate chewing behavior, the thoughtful canine owner must first ask, “He ruined what?”
Who chewed the shoes? Can you solve this Minute Mystery? For the answer, turn to page 159.
So, what is “inappropriate” for dogs to chew? This varies from dog to dog depending on their size, age, and the dietary restrictions of their religion. However, generally banned items include:
• Shoes, socks
• Children
• The military
• Another shoe and sock, damn it!
• (For large dogs) aircraft engine parts before, during flight
• (For small dogs) large dogs
• Six of the current associate justices of the Supreme Court
• Cash, bonds
• Oh, for God’s sake! Another shoe and sock?
Some dogs can quickly learn to avoid forbidden items with just a bit of guidance, a few treats, and an instructional PowerPoint presentation. However, most dogs know exactly what they’re doing when, say, they chew up $75.85 in uncashed checks, as was the case with our formerly alive terrier thing, Oxford.
Giant 2 still insists it was a coincidence that Oxford ravaged four checks taken from four locations over five weeks. It’s was all just paper to him, she says. He didn’t know any better. He was just a dog!
No, he was a terrier. Some dogs track explosives. Others uncover drug caches. Terriers foment crime. Of course Oxford knew that checks were valuable. Dogs have a surprisingly keen understanding of the Federal Reserve. Also their own sophisticated monetary system based on tennis balls. But Oxford wasn’t after the money. His was a mission to corrupt young Brisby, the schnoodle who can do no wrong.
OXFORD: “Hey, kid. C’mere!”
BRISBY: “But I’m on my way to church, Oxford.”
OXFORD: “Sure, sure. You want ta’ see something?”
BRISBY: “I’m supposed to light candles!”
OXFORD: “Yeah, that can wait. (Noses envelope off desk.) Ever see one of these?”
BRISBY: “Is it a cookie?”
OXFORD: “That’s right, a cookie. But you gotta open it, first. Go on, open it!”
BRISBY: “Okay, Oxford! What’s ‘open?’”
OXFORD: “Oh, for… Gimme that!” (He shreds.)
BRISBY: “I have to go now or I’ll miss hymn howling.”
OXFORD: “Too late, kid. You’re in this as deep as me.”
BRISBY: “Do I still get a cookie?”
Next: Wait! Weren’t we talking about shoes and socks?
###
This article is part of “Sleeping Between Giants“, an ongoing series featured on the Write Good!: The Blog blog.
Sleeping Between Giants explores life – if you can call it that – with a terrier.
Your feedback is welcome, probably. dj
Permission to re-use this material for non-commercial purposes is granted provided that Dave Jaffe, www.writegoodtheblog.com, is appropriately credited as the author and source. Please feel free to link to this page.
Write Good!: The Blog 