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(WriteGoodNewsServices) Washington, DC, March 31 – Security remained tight at the opening of a two-day conference on nuclear proliferation, with international leaders anxious that Donald Trump might attend.

“He’s not going to be here, is he? ‘Cause girl! He cra-cra!” said South Korean President Park Geun-hye, through an interpreter.

Before deplaning, cautious nuclear summit attendee anxiously scans tarmac for signs of Trump

Before deplaning, cautious nuclear summit attendee anxiously scans tarmac for signs of Trump

While President Obama hopes the summit will refocus global attention on nuclear security, attendees candidly admitted that more important is to “not get into a whole thing with Trump.”

“Look, let’s just agree to stuff all the fissionable materials in a closet somewhere. Put a really good lock on the door and double the guard,” suggested Japanese Prime Minister Shinzo Abe, repeatedly glancing over his shoulder.

“So are we done here?”

Russia declined to attend the summit amid escalated tensions with the United States. But Kremlin insiders admit that Russian President Vladimir Putin simply wants to avoid hearing a wild rant from Trump about “why it’s good policy to sit on the floor banging atomic warheads with a mallet. Or something like that.”

While Trump seemed content not to attend today’s conference, he suggested during a Wisconsin campaign rally that nuclear missiles worldwide be immediately targeted at women’s reproductive organs.

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