Biting satire ’cause, you know, dogs bite!
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Posts Tagged ‘Russia’
When dogs leak!
Posted in Humor, Sleeping Between Giants, tagged Comey, dogs, politics, president, Russia, security, Senate, terrier, Trump, White House on May 25, 2017| Leave a Comment »
Executive ordering dogs around
Posted in politics, Sleeping Between Giants, tagged border, breed, dog, GOP, pets, president, Russia, terrier, Trump, wall on February 16, 2017| Leave a Comment »
Budleigh and Brisby, protecting our tiniest borders!
Executive ordering dogs around
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Better fed than Red!
Posted in politics, Sleeping Between Giants, tagged Clinton, Cuba, election, GOP, hacker, president, Putin, Republican, Russia, russian, Trump, wikileaks on October 27, 2016| Leave a Comment »
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Sleeping between Giants, my blog about life, if you could call it that, with a terrier will go live soon.
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Trump on National Security Briefing: ‘You Wouldn’t Believe What’s in Area 51!’
Posted in politics, tagged Area 51, Clinton, Democrat, election, GOP, intelligence, Obama, president, presidential, Russia, security, threats, Trump, White House on August 18, 2016| Leave a Comment »
By Dave Jaffe
CHARLOTTE, NORTH CAROLINA (WriteGood!TheNews wire service) — Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump’s first classified intelligence briefing has validated nearly every conspiracy theory ever, the candidate said today.
Speaking at a rally in North Carolina, Trump hinted that the briefing, traditionally given to presidential nominees, revealed shocking, long-held secrets, but he refused to discuss details.
“Obama? I thought he was born in another country,” said Trump. “Seems I was off by about 25,000 light years. Unbelievable!
“And crooked Hillary’s missing emails? I got news for you folks. There’s more hidden in Area 51 than alien corpses. Believe me!”
Claims of Area 51 ‘secrets’ were decried by Clinton supporter and Roswell Project director S’Rin “Larry” B’Tll. “Trump should just shut his big, fat primary reticulated ovipositor!”
Among other top secrets the candidate mentioned:
• Putin from same alternative universe as bearded Spock
• No treasure map on back of U.S. Constitution
• Drones now building us
• The Mole People are benevolent, just worried
• Hydrox are Oreos
• Rosebud was the sled.
Presidential candidate Hillary Clinton will receive a similar briefing, although hers must be conducted at night, Trump learned.
“They know she’s a vampire. Totally undead. Totally!”
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Permission to re-use this material for non-commercial purposes is granted provided that Dave Jaffe, www.writegoodtheblog.com, is appropriately credited as the author and source. Please feel free to link to this page.
World Leaders Attending Nuclear Summit Worried Trump Will Show Up
Posted in Humor, politics, tagged disarmament, global, nuclear, Obama, Putin, Russia, security, stockpile, summit, terror, Trump, weapons on March 31, 2016| 2 Comments »
(WriteGoodNewsServices) Washington, DC, March 31 – Security remained tight at the opening of a two-day conference on nuclear proliferation, with international leaders anxious that Donald Trump might attend.
“He’s not going to be here, is he? ‘Cause girl! He cra-cra!” said South Korean President Park Geun-hye, through an interpreter.
Before deplaning, cautious nuclear summit attendee anxiously scans tarmac for signs of Trump
While President Obama hopes the summit will refocus global attention on nuclear security, attendees candidly admitted that more important is to “not get into a whole thing with Trump.”
“Look, let’s just agree to stuff all the fissionable materials in a closet somewhere. Put a really good lock on the door and double the guard,” suggested Japanese Prime Minister Shinzo Abe, repeatedly glancing over his shoulder.
“So are we done here?”
Russia declined to attend the summit amid escalated tensions with the United States. But Kremlin insiders admit that Russian President Vladimir Putin simply wants to avoid hearing a wild rant from Trump about “why it’s good policy to sit on the floor banging atomic warheads with a mallet. Or something like that.”
While Trump seemed content not to attend today’s conference, he suggested during a Wisconsin campaign rally that nuclear missiles worldwide be immediately targeted at women’s reproductive organs.
Permission to re-use this material for non-commercial purposes is granted provided that Dave Jaffe, www.writegoodtheblog.com, is appropriately credited as the author and source. Please feel free to link to this page.
Obama: Short List of Defense Secretary Replacements Included Putin, Skynet
Posted in Humor, politics, tagged Capitol Hill, congress, cyberthreats, Gates, ISIS, Middle East, military, nominee, Obama, Panetta, Russia, Secretary of Defense, security, weapons, White House on December 6, 2014| 4 Comments »
A Write Good!: The News report — “All the story, plus lies!”
(WriteGood!WireServices) Washington, D.C. – Announcing that Ashton Carter will replace outgoing Secretary of Defense Chuck Hagel, President Barack Obama also praised other candidates who, although passed over, were “both qualified and scary.”
After extolling Carter for his 30-years federal service and in-depth understanding of the defense department’s inner workings, President Obama acknowledged the powerful skill sets offered by the other potential nominees.
“Some are despots, some are imaginary, at least one is Russian. But all are deeply loyal Americans. Well, not the Russian,” said the President, referring to Russian President Vladimir Putin.
Candidates for top defense post thank President Obama, vow to band together as Legion of Secretaries of Defense of Doom
Capitol Hill insiders speculate that Putin was included only because of his strong, unapologetic military stance and that he eats babies.
Also considered for the top defense post:
• Mothra
• Mike Ditka
• Jimmy’s uncle’s pit bull mix
• Lex Luther
• Dalek Prime
• The Joker
• Dark Ghandi
• A really big bomb.
President Obama noted that Carter, a physicist-trained weapons expert and former No. 2 Pentagon official, is better equipped than any other candidate to face the nation’s dire global challenges despite his lack of even the most basic superhuman powers, except for an indestructible, fusion-driven titanium hand.
Permission to re-use this material for non-commercial purposes is granted provided that Dave Jaffe, www.davejaffecomm.com is appropriately credited as the author and source. Please feel free to link to this page.
Thefts, Misconduct by TSA Employees Enrages Snowden: “At Least Russian Airport Workers are Polite to Traitors-Slash-Whistleblowers!”
Posted in Humor, politics, tagged airport, Asylum, congressional, GAO, government, Homeland Security, misconduct, Moscow, Russia, security breach, sleeping, Snowden, theft, Transportation Security, TSA, workplace on August 6, 2013| Leave a Comment »
A Write Good!: The News report — “All the story, plus lies!”
(MOSCOW) Shocking increases in accusations of wrongdoing by Transportation Security Administration officers has drawn strong condemnation from ranking congressional members of Homeland Security, as well as a snippy “Told’ja so!” from fugitive former U.S. spy agency contractor Edward Snowden.
“See? That’s why I didn’t seek refuge at Dallas/Fort Worth International or, say, Eppley Airfield near Omaha. The TSA couldn’t be trusted not to steal the secrets that I’d worked so hard to steal,” Snowden told reporters.
According to a Government Accountability Office report, complaints against TSA officers rose 27 percent from 2010 to 2012. While only 56 of the more than 9,000 allegations in that period dealt with theft, nearly a third were for unexcused absences or repeated tardiness.
Another 20 percent were for sleeping on the job, failing to follow procedures, generally being kinda jerks, sighing a lot, and making fun of travelers’ souvenir purchases – often rolling their eyes, smirking and saying things like, “Oooo! Classy!”
“There’s just no place for that sort of rudeness,” complained Snowden who, after spending more than five weeks in Moscow’s Sheremetyevo airport, was granted a year’s asylum by Russia.
Russian TSA counterparts remind traveler to extinguish all smoking materials for his own safety.
“Russia’s TSA counterparts here couldn’t have been nicer. They kept me supplied with moist towelettes, were always buying me drinks, and constantly offered to store the heavy leather valise I keep chained to my wrist,” Snowden told reporters before slipping quietly away from the airport inside the turret of a Russian T-90 battle tank.
Permission to re-use this material for non-commercial purposes is granted provided that Dave Jaffe, www.davejaffecomm.com is appropriately credited as the author and source. Please feel free to link to this page.
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