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By Dave Jaffe

TURNBERRY, SCOTLAND (WriteGood!TheNews wire service)—Crediting himself for leading British voters to cut ties with the European Union, Donald Trump vowed to extend his proposed wall between the United States and Mexico to include the United Kingdom.

As part of Trump’s revised immigration plan, the wall along the US-Mexico border would extend across the Atlantic Ocean, through the North Sea and encircle the UK.

“And Mexico’s going to pay for that, too,” said the presumptive GOP presidential candidate. “Also my trip to Scotland.”

Trump’s latest proposed wall, while a potential hazard to shipping, provides security against immigrants, including migrating sea turtles.

Trump’s latest proposed wall, while a potential hazard to shipping, provides security against immigrants, including migrating sea turtles.

During a tour of his golf courses that coincided with the historic vote, Trump acknowledged British voters for supporting his decision to devastate the EU, throw financial markets into chaos, and herald the resignation of the prime minister.

“I arrived here. You voted. And together we took back my country. My golf course!” said Trump.

Reminded that the UK is not part of the US, Trump fired Scotland.

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A Write Good!: The News report — “All the story, plus lies!”

(WriteGood!WireServices) – The European Space Agency’s celebration of the Philae lander’s historic arrival on a distant comet was dashed today when a sixth-grade student revealed that the whole mission was a hoax he created to get out of gym.

Bradley Thomas Rucker, 12, a student at Charles Middleton Junior High School in Tinley Park, Illinois, perpetrated the prank by using Chicken McNuggets and a space diorama he’d built for extra credit in science class. How the hoax might have excused Rucker from gym remains unclear, although he vaguely referenced his concerns about an upcoming curls, pull-ups, and timed shuttle run test.

“I was just kidding around,” Rucker said at a joint ESA/Middleton Bobcats Pep Rally news conference. “I told Jamie and Marcus but swore them to shut up about it, that it was just a joke. But then Marcus has to be so cool and right away texts Kelly, like she’ll be really impressed. Which she isn’t. And she texted everybody.

“And then the ESA was all, ‘Look! We landed on a comet! Hurrah for us!’”

Reimaged data from the Philae lander reveals Chicken McNuggets-related inconsistencies.

Reimaged data from the Philae lander reveals Chicken McNuggets-related inconsistencies.

A subdued ESA Liaison to Small Heads Rocky “Ace” Butane conceded that scientists should have been more suspicious when the agency began receiving fresh telemetry from the lander after 10-years travel to the distant two-mile wide Comet 67p/Churyumov-Gerasimenko.

“Honestly? We figured it had slammed into the sun years ago. They always do,” Butane said.

The hoax came apart when an initial review of data from the lander revealed the comet surface to be unexpectedly high in saturated fat, cholesterol and sodium.

“Such findings would be more consistent with a planetary body of a far greater size and nutritional value,” said Butane.

Permission to re-use this material for non-commercial purposes is granted provided that Dave Jaffe, www.davejaffecomm.com is appropriately credited as the author and source. Please feel free to link to this page.

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