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Posts Tagged ‘Hillary’

Who will watch the watch dogs?

The latest cartoon from Sleeping between Giants, our litter-mate blog.

Funny? Always. Political? Often. Neutered? Grudgingly.

Read and enjoy. Then leave.

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By Dave Jaffe

When it comes to political campaigns, dogs pay no attention to the news media, except for Wolf Blitzer whose name, they complain, is misleading.

However, dogs are heavily influenced by their Giants. In recent weeks, pets’ political discussions at the local dog park have grown so snarling, biting, contradictory and tail-chasing as to be indistinguishable from Fox News.

At the dog park, political discussions inevitably reduce to pissing matches. But so does everything.

At the dog park, political discussions inevitably reduce to pissing matches. But so does everything.

GOLDEN RETRIEVER: “…which is why I get a lot of knots, especially on my ears and neck, so that’s when I’ll bring her the comb, but sometimes she needs more than the comb because what I really need is a good brushing. So then I go get—ˮ

PUG: “The brush! Yeah, I get it! We all get it! Give it a rest!”

GOLDEN RETRIEVER: (Ears and tail droop.) “My Giant says with Sanders, you won’t get to talk to me like that.”

PUG: “What’s ‘Sanders’?”

GOLDEN RETRIEVER: “He’s friend to the downtrodden, my Giant says.”

SCHNOODLE: “What’s ‘Downtrodden’?”

GOLDEN RETRIEVER: “It means when you’re pushed down. Like how my fur grows sometimes. That’s when I need to fetch—ˮ

PUG: “If he mentions that brush again, I’m gonna worry his haunch!”

SCHNOODLE: “What’s ‘Haunch’?”

TERRIER MUTT: “That’s who I’m for.”

PUG: “Who?”

TERRIER MUTT: “Haunch! My Giants say he’s gonna make America grape again!”

SCHNOODLE: “I’m hungry!”

DOBERMAN PINSCHER: “You mean Trump, not Haunch. My Giant—you know, the yell-y one?”

ALL: “We know!”

DOBERMAN PINSCHER: “Well, my Giant says Trump is gonna build a huge, beautiful wall. Not just one of those invisible fences. Boy, those spook me! Anyway, this wall’s gonna keep out certain…you know…breeds. (Nods at Chihuahua.) No offense meant.

CHIHUAHUA: “¡No hay problama!”

SHETLAND SHEEPDOG: “Maybe I’m for Sanders. My fur gets really downtrodden.”

GERMAN SHEPHERD: “You should be for Hillary. My Giant says lots of Giants are downtrodden and Hillary can bring them all together.”

SHETLAND SHEEPDOG: “Like herding? I’m good at herding.”

GERMAN SHEPHERD: “I guess.”

SHETLAND SHEEPDOG: “OK, then. Go Hillary!”

PUG: “We should take a poll!”

TERRIER MUTT: “A what, then?”

PUG: “That’s when the ear box rings during dinner but my Giants don’t answer because it’s ‘another damn poll!’ Then they yell about how ‘it’s none of their business who I support, and besides I hate them all!’ Then they give me a treat. And sometimes we take a walk.”

SCHNOODLE: “Polls sound great!”

TERRIER MUTT: “I’m for Hillary!”

GERMAN SHEPHERD: “Hillary.”

PUG: “OK! Sanders.”

DOBERMAN PINSCHER: “Trump.”

CHIHUAHUA: “¡No Hay Problema!”

SCHNOODLE: “Haunch!”

PUG: “There is no Haunch!”

SCHNOODLE: “Then who’s gonna make America grape again?”

GOLDEN RETRIEVER: “Beats me! But I know we’re not supposed to eat grapes.”

###

This article is part of “Sleeping Between Giants”, an ongoing series featured on the Write Good!: The Blog blog.

Sleeping Between Giants explores life – if you can call it that – with a terrier.

Your feedback is welcome, probably. dj

Permission to re-use this material for non-commercial purposes is granted provided that Dave Jaffe, www.writegoodtheblog.com, is appropriately credited as the author and source. Please feel free to link to this page.

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A Write Good!: The News report — “All the story, plus lies!”

(WriteGood!WireServices) Hillary Clinton’s struggle to land a job ran into more difficulties this week when her old truck packed with all the family’s belongings “just gived out” near Monticello, Iowa.

“She’s still runnin’, just gotta dump some baggage,” explained Clinton spokesman Rocky Butane, quickly adding, “I mean the truck! Baggage from the truck!”

Jubilant, energized Hillary Clinton greets Dust Bowl refugees, withered crops, dead livestock as 2016 presidential campaign limps across Midwest.

Jubilant, energized Hillary Clinton greets Dust Bowl refugees, withered crops, dead livestock as 2016 presidential campaign limps across Midwest.

Last week, the former first lady, senator and secretary of state launched her latest attempt to find work – this time as president of the United States – with a long trek across a dust-choked, barren Iowa in an overloaded campaign panel truck referred to as the Hi-I’m-Hillary-and-I’m-Running-for-President-or-Bust Express.

“I’m hitting the road to earn your vote. Because it’s your time. And I hope you’ll join me on this journey,” Clinton told a group of five or six itinerant migrant workers huddled for warmth around a burning barrel beside the road. After chatting with Clinton, they helped fix her truck’s engine, then passed the hat, raising nearly $2 for her campaign. Clinton eagerly stuffed the bills into an empty coffee can on the dashboard.

“She’s plucky, I’ll give her that,” admitted one of the group. “But there ain’t no work ‘round here. No work, nowhere, I heared.

“Maybe in New Hampshire. But if she’s headed there, watch out for them Republican presidential hopefuls. Mean as a railroad dick. ‘Specially that little Rand Paul. He’s bat shit crazy!”

Permission to re-use this material for non-commercial purposes is granted provided that Dave Jaffe, www.davejaffecomm.com is appropriately credited as the author and source. Please feel free to link to this page.

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