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Posts Tagged ‘Samsung’

By Dave Jaffe

(WriteGood!TheNews wire service) — Highly volatile Donald Trump has been recalled by Samsung at the urging of GOP leaders who fear for the party’s safety.

“Cynics charge that this action is merely to protect Republicans in tight House and Senate races,” said GOP Strategist and Fire Inspector Rocky ‘Ace’ Butane. “But it’s really for the safety of women and children.

“Particularly the women.”

Volatile Donald Trump now poses safety threat to own private jet.

Volatile Donald Trump now poses safety threat to own private jet.

South Korean industrial giant Samsung recently recalled their popular Galaxy 7 Note smartphones due to combusting batteries. But why the GOP would urge that company to recall Trump is unclear, except that South Korea “is really, really far away,” explained Butane.

Republican vice presidential candidate Mike Pence was quick to defend his running mate, charging that Hillary Clinton repeatedly failed to deploy side impact air bags at speeds above 45 miles per hour.

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Permission to re-use this material for non-commercial purposes is granted provided that Dave Jaffe, www.writegoodtheblog.com, is appropriately credited as the author and source. Please feel free to link to this page.

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By Dave Jaffe

(WriteGood!TheNews wire service) — Stung by safety issues with their exploding washing machines and smartphones, manufacturer Samsung is repurposing those products as alternative rocket propulsion systems.

“Yes, the Galaxy Note 7 batteries erupt in flames,” said company spokesman Rocky ‘Ace’ Butane. “Yes, some washing machines crater the basement. But someday…someday those defective, potentially deadly machines will carry Mankind to the stars.

“Also clean their clothes and send texts.”

Test launch of Maximus Artemis Regulus StarPlus rocket powered by Samsung TurboClear top-loader in Avocado Bisque. Also available in Stainless Fog.

Test launch of Maximus Artemis Regulus StarPlus rocket powered by Samsung TurboClear top-loader in Avocado Bisque. Also available in Stainless Fog.

U.S. regulators, unsure what to do with 1 million recalled smartphones and an as yet unknown number of washers, welcomed the news.

“So long as they’re not in my garage,” said a spokesman for the Consumer Product Safety Commission. “I’ve already got 500 hoverboards crammed in there. I’m terrified to use my gas grill.”

Space vehicle companies like SpaceX and Virgin Galactic welcomed the opportunity to tap the awesome potential of Samsung’s highly volatile defective products line.

“Two washing machines or a dozen smartphones taped together provide the same explosive thrust as a half-million gallons of liquid rocket fuel,” explained a researcher.

“But rocket fuel’s more stable.”

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Permission to re-use this material for non-commercial purposes is granted provided that Dave Jaffe, www.writegoodtheblog.com, is appropriately credited as the author and source. Please feel free to link to this page.

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