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Posts Tagged ‘congressional’

Budleigh and Brisby review the latest healthcare plan, because everyone gets sick and many have fur.

Who will bark for the voiceless?

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Sleeping Between Giants!

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By Dave Jaffe

(WriteGood!TheNews wire service) — Highly volatile Donald Trump has been recalled by Samsung at the urging of GOP leaders who fear for the party’s safety.

“Cynics charge that this action is merely to protect Republicans in tight House and Senate races,” said GOP Strategist and Fire Inspector Rocky ‘Ace’ Butane. “But it’s really for the safety of women and children.

“Particularly the women.”

Volatile Donald Trump now poses safety threat to own private jet.

Volatile Donald Trump now poses safety threat to own private jet.

South Korean industrial giant Samsung recently recalled their popular Galaxy 7 Note smartphones due to combusting batteries. But why the GOP would urge that company to recall Trump is unclear, except that South Korea “is really, really far away,” explained Butane.

Republican vice presidential candidate Mike Pence was quick to defend his running mate, charging that Hillary Clinton repeatedly failed to deploy side impact air bags at speeds above 45 miles per hour.

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COMING SOON! Look for the premier of Sleeping between Giants, a blog that explores life – if you could call it that – with a terrier. Great fun for dogs that can read!

Permission to re-use this material for non-commercial purposes is granted provided that Dave Jaffe, www.writegoodtheblog.com, is appropriately credited as the author and source. Please feel free to link to this page.

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A Write Good!: The News report — “All the story, plus lies!”

(WriteGood!WireServices) – Elated over the Republican sweep in the midterm elections, Sen. Mitch McConnell vowed that reconciliation with Democrats is assured provided that “they, and all Americans, follow my instructions.”

“To the letter!” emphasized McConnell during a news conference held at the rubble-strewn site of what was once the Lincoln Memorial. That national monument was razed in the early hours following Tuesday’s election returns in order to “make a statement”, according to a brief news release from the Republican National Committee.

The terse announcement read in full, “We have destroyed the Lincoln Memorial to make a statement.” The release was unsigned except for a burning skull.

GOP leaders greet new senators: Republicans in red battle skirts, Democrats in blue.

GOP leaders greet new senators: Republicans in red battle skirts, Democrats in blue.

McConnell, who will be promoted to majority leader as a result of last Tuesday’s elections, brushed off reporters insistent questions with a casual, “Seize them!” Security personal, uncharacteristically dressed in Roman legionnaire regalia, quickly cleared the room, except for a Fox News journalist.

Republicans have been quick to voice their willingness to reach accord with President Obama on a range of legislative and policy issues. However, they are already refining their agenda with new items that might prove contentious, including:

• Americans must regurgitate all medications taken since the Affordable Care Act became law.
• Strengthen US-Mexico border with a fence made of illegal immigrants glued together.
• Nuke yet-to-be-identified bastards back to the Stone Age.
• Obey Koch Industries.
• Cancel Christmas.
• Kneel before Zod!

Permission to re-use this material for non-commercial purposes is granted provided that Dave Jaffe, www.davejaffecomm.com is appropriately credited as the author and source. Please feel free to link to this page.

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A Write Good!: The News report — “All the story, plus lies!

(MOSCOW) Shocking increases in accusations of wrongdoing by Transportation Security Administration officers has drawn strong condemnation from ranking congressional members of Homeland Security, as well as a snippy “Told’ja so!” from fugitive former U.S. spy agency contractor Edward Snowden.

“See? That’s why I didn’t seek refuge at Dallas/Fort Worth International or, say, Eppley Airfield near Omaha. The TSA couldn’t be trusted not to steal the secrets that I’d worked so hard to steal,” Snowden told reporters.

According to a Government Accountability Office report, complaints against TSA officers rose 27 percent from 2010 to 2012. While only 56 of the more than 9,000 allegations in that period dealt with theft, nearly a third were for unexcused absences or repeated tardiness.

Another 20 percent were for sleeping on the job, failing to follow procedures, generally being kinda jerks, sighing a lot, and making fun of travelers’ souvenir purchases – often rolling their eyes, smirking and saying things like, “Oooo! Classy!”

“There’s just no place for that sort of rudeness,” complained Snowden who, after spending more than five weeks in Moscow’s Sheremetyevo airport, was granted a year’s asylum by Russia.

Russian TSA counterparts remind traveler to extinguish all smoking materials for his own safety.

Russian TSA counterparts remind traveler to extinguish all smoking materials for his own safety.

“Russia’s TSA counterparts here couldn’t have been nicer. They kept me supplied with moist towelettes, were always buying me drinks, and constantly offered to store the heavy leather valise I keep chained to my wrist,” Snowden told reporters before slipping quietly away from the airport inside the turret of a Russian T-90 battle tank.

Permission to re-use this material for non-commercial purposes is granted provided that Dave Jaffe, www.davejaffecomm.com is appropriately credited as the author and source. Please feel free to link to this page.

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A Write Good!: The News report

(WASHINGTON) In eleventh hour negotiations to steer clear of the looming “fiscal cliff”, congressional leaders are seeking advice from the Road Runner and Wile E. Coyote – experts in similarly cartoonish precipice-related crises.

So far, calling on the risk management skills of misters Runner and Coyote is the only negotiation strategy that has received bipartisan support, admitted a solemn President Obama at an early Monday news conference held, uncharacteristically, in front of a huge, dark tunnel painted on a rock wall.

“Road Runner is particularly adroit at avoiding cliffs” said the president. “And Wile E. Coyote brings to the table a wealth of experience with crash landings – much like House Speaker Boehner,” he added before his remarks were drowned out by the horn of a locomotive approaching from behind.

Congressional leaders seek advice from fellow cartoon character.

Congressional leaders seek advice from fellow cartoon character.


Congressional leaders are well familiar with the potentially drastic results of falling off the fiscal cliff, noted a clearly frustrated Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell.

“We’re facing major tax increases, automatic spending cuts, a freeze in unemployment benefits, and a proliferation of those little exploding model airplanes that keep landing on Wile E. Coyote and blowing up,” said McConnell. “God, I loved that cartoon!”

A failure by lawmakers to reach agreement by midnight tonight could threaten an already fragile economy, but will have a severe and adverse effect on every American, with the exception of workers at Acme factories nationwide.

Write Good!: The News is a money-losing subsidiary of Write Good!: The Blog.
This story is courtesy of Write Good!: The News – “All the story, plus lies!

Permission to re-use this material for non-commercial purposes is granted provided that Dave Jaffe, www.davejaffecomm.com is appropriately credited as the author and source. Please feel free to link to this page.

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