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Posts Tagged ‘negotiations’

A Write Good!: The News report — “All the story, plus lies!”

(WriteGood!WireServices) Mere hours before open hostilities could break out between Floyd Mayweather Jr. and Manny Pacquiao, the two aggressors have reached a shaky, but peaceful truce negotiated by Secretary of State John Kerry.

“Many details remain to be worked out. But for now, all provocative actions as well as Friday’s official pre-fight weigh-in have been postponed indefinitely,” Kerry said at a news conference at the MGM Grand in Las Vegas.

“An international team of diplomats from both sides have agreed to return to the negotiating table as soon as they cash out from the craps table,” he said.

John Kerry negotiates with Pacquiao, Mayweather to avert nuclear proliferation and slightly higher pay-per-view rate.

John Kerry negotiates with Pacquiao, Mayweather to avert nuclear proliferation and slightly higher pay-per-view rate.

The highly anticipated confrontation between Mayweather and Pacquiao has been lauded as “the fight of the century” by boxing fans, and denounced as “the single greatest national security threat to the United States” by Sen. Ted Cruz (R-Texas).

“This is nothing less than a replay of Clinton’s failed North Korea talks and the Mike Tyson versus Buster Douglas debacle,” said Cruz.

“I dropped a bundle on both!”

Among the issues still dividing the two sides are concerns over Mayweather’s history of domestic abuse and Pacquiao’s potential export of fissionable materials to Russia.

Permission to re-use this material for non-commercial purposes is granted provided that Dave Jaffe is appropriately credited as the author and source. Please feel free to link to this page.

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A Write Good!: The News report

(WASHINGTON) In eleventh hour negotiations to steer clear of the looming “fiscal cliff”, congressional leaders are seeking advice from the Road Runner and Wile E. Coyote – experts in similarly cartoonish precipice-related crises.

So far, calling on the risk management skills of misters Runner and Coyote is the only negotiation strategy that has received bipartisan support, admitted a solemn President Obama at an early Monday news conference held, uncharacteristically, in front of a huge, dark tunnel painted on a rock wall.

“Road Runner is particularly adroit at avoiding cliffs” said the president. “And Wile E. Coyote brings to the table a wealth of experience with crash landings – much like House Speaker Boehner,” he added before his remarks were drowned out by the horn of a locomotive approaching from behind.

Congressional leaders seek advice from fellow cartoon character.

Congressional leaders seek advice from fellow cartoon character.


Congressional leaders are well familiar with the potentially drastic results of falling off the fiscal cliff, noted a clearly frustrated Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell.

“We’re facing major tax increases, automatic spending cuts, a freeze in unemployment benefits, and a proliferation of those little exploding model airplanes that keep landing on Wile E. Coyote and blowing up,” said McConnell. “God, I loved that cartoon!”

A failure by lawmakers to reach agreement by midnight tonight could threaten an already fragile economy, but will have a severe and adverse effect on every American, with the exception of workers at Acme factories nationwide.

Write Good!: The News is a money-losing subsidiary of Write Good!: The Blog.
This story is courtesy of Write Good!: The News – “All the story, plus lies!

Permission to re-use this material for non-commercial purposes is granted provided that Dave Jaffe, www.davejaffecomm.com is appropriately credited as the author and source. Please feel free to link to this page.

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