Posts Tagged ‘congress’

The threat of meteors devastating the Earth is so real that scientists at the recent Planetary Defense Conference in Washington, D.C. didn’t once giggle every time they said “Uranus.”

To punctuate the dangers from space, attendees were presented a realistic exercise of a potential strike to a populated area by an asteroid, which is a meteor with a learner’s permit.

The circle of destruction would be immense. Cities leveled. Communities destroyed. Even those living half a world away would be affected, disturbed by what might sound like raccoons in the trash cans.

In response, Congress hastily convened an investigative subcommittee charged with overseeing science-based defense plans, locating nearby meteors larger than a Ford Fiesta, then issuing them subpoenas.

Recently coming to light are secret transcripts from a closed-door meeting of that committee. An angry White House has denied the authenticity of the recordings, the mission of the subcommittee, the existence of meteors, asteroids, the Earth, electricity, long division, and Washington, D.C.

SENATOR 1: “Good morning. (Tapping microphone) Is this on?”

AIDE: “Yes, sir!”

SENATOR 1: “Why is this on.”

AIDE: “Um…the bylaws—”

SENATOR 1: “Yes, yes, alright! Let’s just move on. Now director, before our break you said it was possible that a meteor could strike a major US city? Do you know which one?”

SCIENCE DIRECTOR: “No, sir. That’s difficult to predict.”

SENATOR 1: “Even using your ‘long division’? I see. But if you did know which city, would there be enough time to redistrict the area?”

DIRECTOR: “I don’t understand, Senator.”

SENATOR 1: “Are meteors gerrymandering?”

DIRECTOR: “That’s not… They don’t—”

SENATOR 1: “Yes or no please, sir!

DIRECTOR: “Senator, a meteor is a chunk of matter that glows from heating as it passes through Earth’s atmosphere.”

SENATOR 1: “I see…I see. And what percentage of meteors – 10? 50? 75? – are space pirates?”

DIRECTOR: “You what, now?”

SENATOR 1: “Could meteors be disguised space pirates? Are pirates perhaps hiding behind asteroids? Could Hoth be their secret base?”

DIRECTOR: “Are we role-playing? I think we’re role-playing?”

SENATOR 1: “I’m deadly serious, director. Now, how effective would a Space Force be in deterring these meteor pirates?”

DIRECTOR: “Could I have some more water, please?”

SENATOR 2: “Senator, if I might amplify. Director, in your professional opinion. Our Space Force: Would their uniforms be…cool?”

DIRECTOR: (Sighs) “Why not?”

SENATOR 2: “Like blue with gold stars. And maybe a lightning bolt?”

DIRECTOR: “You bet!”

SENATOR 2: “Oh, and a unicorn.”

DIRECTOR: “…unicorn?”

SENATOR 1: “Very strategic, Senator. Director, would you see to ordering 250,000 such uniforms?”

SENATOR 2: “And one for my granddaughter!”

DIRECTOR: “Senators, who’s going to pay for all this?”

All Senators: “Mexico!”


Dave Jaffe also writes the national award-winning humor blog Sleeping between Giants: Life, if you could call it that, with a Terrier

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The tax plan affects everyone, even if they’re furry, have a tail, and drink from the toilet.

Here’s the latest strip from our litter-mate blog Sleeping between Giants about life, if you could call it that, with a terrier.

If you love your friends, share Sleeping between Giants with them. If you despise your enemies, share Sleeping between Giants with them.

It works on many levels.

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Not only Dreamers, but Howlers!


Read. Laugh. Share our litter-mate blog, Sleeping between Giants: Life if you could call it that, with a terrier.

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While Americans worry over the plight of affordable health care, their dogs are more anxious than they’ve been since the Great Bacon Rebellion of 1890.

Dogs, of course, aren’t concerned for themselves, but for us, their Giants. As socially cooperative pack animals, they long ago solved their health care challenges through a system of eating grass, then throwing up. Coincidentally, a similar measure for humans is being considered by Congress, although it would eliminate many grasslands and restrict where the insured could puke.

Read more on our litter-mate blog, Sleeping between Giants.

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Budleigh and Brisby review the latest healthcare plan, because everyone gets sick and many have fur.

Who will bark for the voiceless?

Get the latest about the world, dogs, the world of dogs, whirled dogs, and stock tips at our litter-mate blog,
Sleeping Between Giants!

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the-allegory-continues-for-write-good(Singing) “Which side are you oooon….”

Read and subscribe to our litter-mate blog, Sleeping between Giants.

Mammals everywhere will be grateful!

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A Write Good!: The News report — “All the story, plus lies!”

(WriteGood!WireServices) In the wake of liberal-leaning Supreme Court rulings that support same-sex marriage and Obamacare, Republican party leaders are decrying the scarcity of negative emojis that adequately express their anger.

“‘OMG’ just isn’t cutting it,” complained House Speaker John Boehner (R-OH). “Frankly,the sadface, and even the grumpyface icons barely express the depths of my disappointment. Much of the fault must be placed on my conservative-bashing liberal iPhone.”

Republican National Committee Communications Chair Rocky “Ace” Butane Previews GOP’s “Concept Emoji” slated for release in 2027.

Republican National Committee Communications Chair Rocky “Ace” Butane previews GOP’s “Concept Emoji” slated for release in 2027.

Following the Court’s rulings, a host of GOP presidential hopefuls took to social media in an effort to rally the three or four conservative millennials who follow them.

One of the strongest repudiations of the same-sex marriage ruling came from former Arkansas Gov. Mike Huckabee who warned on his website that the country “must resist and reject judicial tyranny, not retreat.”

“I said as much to my Twitter follower using hashtag ‘must-resist-and-reject-judicial-tyranny,-not-retreat’, followed by a soccer ball and a kitty. Oh yeah, he got it!”

Other Republican candidates were not so successful.

“How can a frowning face with a single tear express the complete failure of Bush-appointed Supreme Court Justice Roberts?” questioned Donald Trump. “Most people use that icon to tell friends they didn’t like their lunch taco.

“Not that there’s anything wrong with tacos. I love the Mexican people,” Trump added.

Permission to re-use this material for non-commercial purposes is granted provided that Dave Jaffe, www.writegoodtheblog.com, is appropriately credited as the author and source. Please feel free to link to this page.

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